The lighter side: Asherisms!

As usual, I’ve been recording funny things that come out of the mouths of our kids.  Here, a few “isms” from the 6-year-old boy:


We were playing “doctor” and Asher had just finished “examining” me:  “You have a cold and a fever both.  Are you alarmed?”


He’s Getting Philosophical

He wonders things like this:  “Are there more humans or more dandelions in this world?”

And… “Mom, if you had a baby at the age you are now, would it be a miracle?”

And… “I think the boy should always be older than the girl, but… I guess sometimes things just happen.”


He’s Trying to Make Sense of the World

“I can’t chew very well in the middle. Do you always have to put your food over on the side to chew it?”

Asher’s take on journals:  “I think that’s where you write down what you did that was cool back in your younger days.”

He says to me:  “Mama, exactly why do you shower so much?”  I say, “Well… I’m really pleased when I get to shower every other day. I don’t know.  I guess I just like to be clean.”


He’s Playmobil’s Biggest Fan

Asher on Donald Trump’s age:  “In Playmobil years, he’s probably about a hundred.”

What Asher’s most likely to say as evening draws nigh:  “I think I’m gonna put my shorts on and mosey on over to my man cave.”  (Yes, we have a baby-free room in our house that is full of Asher’s tiny Playmobil toys.  He calls it his man cave.)


He’s Always Up for Adventure in the Bathroom

… though he has his share of hand-washing troubles:  “I think this is the first time I ever got mad at a sink!”

Another time:  “Uh, Mom? While I was wiping I had my foot up on the toilet seat and… slip! My sock got wet. What should I do?”

His most successful trips to the commode are what he calls “one-wipers.”



He’s a Big Brother

One day 3-year-old Emi drew on her face with a whiteboard marker.  Asher proudly reported that he’d gotten it off with the whiteboard eraser.

He can be sweet:  One day he and Emi were in our big bed with dolls in the crib.  The “babies” — they had named them Buffalo Berry and Dandelion — would cry, and Asher would hop out of bed to get them and take them to Emi.  Goes to show your kids know what you’re doing… even if you think they’re asleep.

But he can be a menace, too.  More times than I can count, I’ve quoted Beau:  “Asher, don’t shoot at your sister.”  (Asher says he’s going to be in the rifle shoot at the Olympics as soon as he’s old enough.)

The kids all sleep in the same room.  One night in the wee hours I was rocking the baby and I heard Asher mutter menacingly in his sleep:  “Horse poop.”

One day Asher and Emi were playing “Jersey Lilly.”  I overheard Asher order “a buffalo steak and a full-size beer” from Pretend Boots the Bartender.  (Because a kid-size beer wouldn’t be enough for Asher, obviously.)  And then he said to Pretend Boots:  “Well, we better get going. We snuck away from our mom and dad.”

This one happened while we were still at the VX.  It was chore time, and driving the Polaris Ranger, I dropped Asher and Emi off to play at the round bales and then drove on to the barn.  I was inside the barn scooping feed when I heard Asher calling my name from the door.  This is the gist of what he had to say:  “Mom! Emi was trying to make a big jump on the bales and she couldn’t make it!  She was crying like a hurt buffalo!  But I don’t think she’s hurt. I think she’s just mad because she couldn’t get back up. So we had to walk over here to get you. I came with her so she wouldn’t get scared and, you know, in case she had a heart attack or something.”


He’s Just Plain a Lot of Fun

I told Beau that I thought my new haircut made me look like a Lost Boy off of Peter Pan.  Asher piped up:  “Although most of them had longer hair than you do.”

Asher, wielding a sword:  “I’m a bad guy!  I’m from Canada!”

Asher, down and out with another canker sore:  “It even hurts when I cwy.”

What he says every night:  “I wish I never had to go to bed.”


© Tami Blake

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