… if your baby has ever gnawed her way into a package of hot dogs while sitting in the cart at Wal-Mart.
… if you’re often embarrassed by the outfits your kids choose to wear out in public, because they obviously have nice (and matching) outfits in their drawers… but you’ve decided that there are bigger fights to pick.
… if your baby has ever unbuttoned your shirt for you in front of company.
… if you’ve started eying empty peanut butter jars and sour cream containers for their potential re-usefulness… even though you swore you would never be that kind of mom.
… if you go ahead and take the vomit down your shirt ‘cause your shirt’s easier to clean than the carpet.
… if you feign interest when the idealistic, newly-engaged girl-you-don’t-know (helpfully) points out that your (third) baby is playing near an electrical outlet.
… if you’ve ever retrieved a young artist’s masterpiece from the trash, claiming to have no idea how it ended up in there.
… if it’s a struggle every day to make yourself clean the stinking kitchen.
… if there are items in your freezer which you can’t identify, even though you were sure when you put them in there that you wouldn’t forget.
… if you’re hoping to perfect the fried egg before you die. It’s harder than it looks. Who knew?
… if it’s totally beyond you why a person would need to be convinced that it’s time to go to the bathroom. Shouldn’t your dancing legs and the ripe toots emitting from your backside be indication enough?
… if you just don’t get why your 5-year-old likes Alvin and the Chipmunks. Actually, if you’re unsure of why anyone would like Alvin and the Chipmunks.
… if anyone’s ever thrown up on your floor just after you scrubbed it… or on you just after you’ve showered.
… if your baby unloads the dishwasher as fast as you can load it.
… if your baby gets her finger stuck in random holes.
… if you’ve ever heard a bag of popcorn kernels being spilled in the kitchen while you were in the bedroom putting the baby down.
… if you’ve decided that you might as well let the baby scrub the toilet… because at least someone’s interested in cleaning up around here.
© Tami Blake