– if you’re afraid — nay, quite certain — that your kids are going to run over you with the pickup someday when you step out to get the gate.
– if, as you are walking into a room to return an object to its rightful place, you meet the baby toddling out of the room carrying two objects to destinations unknown.
– if some days it seems like every place you want to put your foot, there is already a kid there… and if not a kid, some kid stuff.
– if you’ve stepped on and broken more kid toys in the last few years than you’d care to admit.
– if you sometimes wish you could fast forward 15 years… just to see what they’re going to end up looking like. Then, of course, you would rewind right back to now… and hit the slow motion button.
– if you feel kind of guilty because you have created your own circle of friends. These friends believe everything you tell them (because you’re their mom and they don’t know any better and they get in trouble if they argue) and, even better, you can use them as an excuse for completely manipulating your time if you’re in a social situation and don’t want to talk to anyone else.
– if your babies have clawed at your leg and whimpered so consistently during your attempts at cleaning for the last 5 years that you’ve decided they’re right: cleaning just upsets everyone and everyone’s happier if house-cleaning is never accomplished.
– if your baby has ever tipped over the bucket of water you were using to scrub the floor.
– if the one chore your kids seem to take interest in is scrubbing the toilet… and you’re a little torn about how wise it is to encourage their participation in that activity.
– if you have to hold the baby upside down by one foot to get her zipped into her jammies.
– if you’ve become aware of how often you use the word “couple” as a reference point — as in, “Grab a couple apples for me” — because every time you use it, your 5-year-old asks, “How many?” — as though “couple” is an obscure, far-off idea that could mean anything at all.
– if your cupboard is full of weird odds-n-ends products that you bought to go in specific recipes… but that was in the heat of the moment, and the moment passed, and now you’ve not only lost the recipe but can’t remember what the recipe was for.
– if you ever find dirty clothes that were put back in your kid’s drawer when they should’ve been put in the laundry.
– if your kids get mad when you mix the brown sugar in with their oatmeal. Because, obviously, they were planning to eat the brown sugar off the top.
– if you never dreamed you’d be the type to throw away candy… but now that you’re a mom, you’ve discovered there’s a lot of pointless, tasteless candy in the world… and people love to give it to your kids.
– if you’re diligent about flossing your kids’ teeth… especially the last two days before an appointment with the dentist.
– if some of the stuff your husband chooses to buy for your kids you look at and think, Well, that was a waste of money — and if he thinks the same of what you buy.
– if your kids notice things belatedly, like: Hey, when did Grandma get here? — after she’s been here for a couple hours and they actually greeted her when she walked in.
– if you’ve gotten so used to things being misplaced that it seems like the stuffed rabbit belongs in the bathroom and the play dough tools belong on your desk and the princess dress belongs on the curtain rod… so even if you were to clean (and you probably won’t), those things would remain where they are.
– if you never dreamed the baby could get her finger caught in the lunchbox latch.
– if you figure that God created the late shift, when you’re rocking the baby and the rest of the house is quiet, because it’s the best time to pray for these little humans you’re responsible for.
© Tami Blake