– if your bedroom is less a sanctuary and more a staging area for Life.
– if you think reading a book to big kids with the help of a 10-month-old should be an Olympic sport.
– if you can’t keep toilet paper on the spinner because the baby likes to unroll it and eat it.
– if your 5-year-old has ever dropped an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet.
– if your husband’s idea of cleaning is stashing drier static sheets in random drawers to “keep things smelling fresh.”
– if you have been punished with the Screaming Baby Torture Method for shaving your legs so many times that you have finally learned your lesson and given up on shaving.
– if you’ve noticed that a lot of the old Disney movies (Fox and the Hound, Robin Hood, Winnie the Pooh, etc.) have a lot of the same voice actors.
– if hearing the toilet flush more than once in your house is immediate call to arms.
– if you’re starting to think life is too short to accomplish everything that’s on your list.
– if you put almost everything in the dishwasher: wooden cutting boards, sharp knives, fine china, the kids… wait, not that last one.
– if the main thing accomplished at your house every day is keeping everyone fed and groomed.
– if you’re watching your own inner artist emerge as you sit down time and again with crayons, washable markers, finger paint, and construction paper.
– if you’ve ever found your 2-year-old trying to measure her own height against the wall with a purple marker. Thank goodness for Magic Eraser.
– if you do things that defy common sense because it keeps the baby happy for a minute or two (thus giving you a minute or two to breathe), i.e.: leaving the frig open so she can take all the salad dressing off the bottom shelf again, bathing her multiple times a day, letting her eat paper under your supervision, etc.
– if you can never find anything in your kitchen after your own mom’s come to stay for a day.
– if you’re pretty sure that the gremlins who mysteriously convert the house from tidy-going-to-bed to disaster-when-we-wake are actually your own children… which seems impossible, because as far as you know they were in bed the entire night.
– if some days your 3-year-old wakes up in a great mood and some days she wakes up in a terrible mood and there’s no discernible reason why.
– if you let your kids watch way more TV than you ever dreamed you would.
– if one of your big pet peeves is kids’ books that kinda rhyme… sometimes rhyme… but not all-the-time-rhyme.
– if your baby becomes green with envy if she sees you standing close to your husband or one of the other kids and immediately crawls over to wedge herself between you and the competition.
– if you’ve ever been harassed by hobbits with swords while vacuuming but persevered to finish… well, halfway finish… the job.
– if you feel lonely for your own kids if you watch a movie (after they’ve gone to bed) that has other little kids acting in it.
– if you think your own kids are super adorable. Like, the cutest kids ever.
© Tami Blake