Good-looking snowmen and Barbie: Both scientifically impossible

snowman

Have you ever made a snowman that looked like they do on Christmas cards?  A snowman that was tall and white and made from stacking up three well-proportioned balls?

Unless you are a professional sculptor and live far, far, far away from Eastern Montana, I’m willing to bet no.

I’ve been trying to make a good-looking snowman my entire life.  We even have in our possession a snowman-accessories kit with a plastic pipe and a plastic carrot nose and little plastic buttons for the eyes and mouth.  And our snowmen here at the Blake house turn out cute, like the one shown in the photo.  But certainly nothing like those glittery creatures showcased on the fronts of Christmas cards, on coffee cups given as Christmas gifts, and in all manner of wintry decorations.

Which leads me to believe that the artists who create those fancifully artful snowmen have actually created a Barbie-doll-esque racket wherein American society has come to believe that the ideal snowman shape is quite different from what can be achieved in reality.

Please correct me if you are from Maine or Alaska or Norway and you actually do get enough snow of the correct consistency to build fantastic snowmen.  I will, of course, require photographic proof before I believe regular people are capable of building good-looking snowmen.  Because here in Eastern Montana, it’s not a-happenin’.  We got three inches of medium-moisture snow this week from which we built this snowman.  (I think the kids named him Olaf.)  As you can see, he is less a Christmas-card-worthy-snowman and more an 18-inch-high lump of snow mixed with dirt and dead grass with the ground for 15 feet all around him scraped bare of snow.

But we had fun building him, and it’s the time we had doing it together that counts.  I mean, who really thought we were trying to make a perfect snowman that looked like Frosty had just jumped off the TV screen and into our yard?

Definitely not my kids.  And I guess not me either.

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